Jimmy Kimmel kicked off his third time doing his ABC late-night show from Brooklyn noting, “Last time we were here, people asked, ‘Will you ever come back?’ And I said ‘Only if you promise to open 2,000 new cold-press juice shops’.”

“And you did. So here we are. You kept your word, I keep my word,” Kimmel enthused.

“And it’s especially great to be able to do our show here at BAM [Brooklyn Academy of Music] one last time before they turn it into a Whole Foods store.”

His crew spent 22 hours without rest transforming the stage, he said, adding, “If it wasn’t for this crew, and the miracle of methamphetamines, none of us would be here tonight.”

“And I also want to mention that, in honor of our show being here in Brooklyn, all of the jokes you will hear tonight were written in small batches, by hand, on biodegradable hemp parchment, using natural ink made from sustainably-harvested lingonberries, okay?”

“So, rest assured, we are as artisanal as it gets. We have so much planned this week, and I hope you will join us for all five shows.”