UPDATED with video: “This is the first minute of the first episode of  The Opposition… I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not some guy who is going to butter you up… and tell you you’re too smart. No, you’re too smart for that,”  Jordan Klepper told viewers as he unveiled his new Comedy Central late-night show.

All of mainstream media sound the same…same talking points from the same puppet masters, who all espouse facts like, climate change is man-made, Trump lost popular vote, “I can’t park there,” the former The Daily Show correspondent explained.

“That’s how they operate; that’s how they smuggle their dangerous ideas across the open border of your mind,” he warned.

“I want to shut down those borders. I want to close your mind. It’s called mental nationalism, an idea whose time has come,” he promised. The Opposition has its own Golden Rule: May you only hear from others what you’ve already been telling yourself.

You don’t need to be told what to think by the failing New York Times, or Amazon’s The Washington Post.  Now “you get to choose which facts are right for you,” he enthused.

To illustrate his point, Klepper played clips of Milo Yiannopoulos, and Tomi Lahren, whose work he called “inspiring,”  adding, “You know what kind of courage it takes to talk about things that do not affect you personally? A lot!”

But the biggest bucker of mainstream media, Klepper noted, is Alex Jones and InfoWars. “This guy is a full glistening slab of Texas Truth,” he marveled, playing a clip of Jones explaining his “100%” certainty the Clinton’s have vacationed in Haiti to visit voodoo priests and spend weeks in voodoo churches.

“Jones is a raging bowl of truth…and I respect that,” Klepper said.  Which is why it broke his heart so bad when Jones told his followers that Comedy Central hates him and now have an entire new show in which Klepper is playing the part of Alex Jones.

“They will say things and do things every night to create a branding for the type of mentally retarded people who believe” Comedy Central, Jones warned – “people that have been induced into these comas.”

“Alex, no!” Klepper interjected. “They re trying to divide us! But we can’t let them. I don’t know where you got that plan but I promise you it’s not our plan. Our plan is a secret web page only you can access, right here.” Klepper pointed to the web site:

http://www.IfYouAreAlexJonesClickThisIfNotDont.com.

“This is on the honor system,” Klepper explained.

InfoWars has been great for President Donald Trump, Klepper said. “It’s got everything a conservative president needs; Info and Wars.” But there are dark forces at play, he cautioned: the deep state, globalists, Bill Nye.  “This program will oppose them at all costs, but, just like Lee Harvey Oswald, I can’t do it alone,” Klepper said, introducing his team of citizen journalists.

Klepper had a message for “the suits at Comedy Central who realize that giving a show to an authentic free-thinker like me is the only way to save their precious network”:

“Thanks, but, guess what, now we’re on the inside. We’re the wrench in the gears, the raisin in the cookie, the goose in Sully’s right engine.

“And we will be greeted as liberators,” Klepper said, urging viewers to tune in every night “so I can tell you leaders what to think and do. Welcome to The Opposition.”