Stephen Colbert explained President Donald Trump’s address to the Boy Scout Jamboree this week to his Late Show audience. “With all his scandals, he needs somebody who is good at putting out fires.”

He told the scout annual gathering that the press will lie about how many of them are attending the annual jamboree, mistaking it for one of his rallies.

‘You know they were going to be there anyway, right” Colbert asks Trump rhetorically. “It’s their event, not yours.”

Trump also told the scouts that Washington is “not a good place” and that very same day he had suggested no longer calling it a swamp, because it’s more a “cesspool,” or a “sewer.”

Colbert translated: “Kids I come here to inspire you. Your government is a festering river of human waste and I’m the madman who rules it on a throne of turds.”

As Trump continued to “pour poison into the ears of children,” he began talking about a “very successful man” he know who bought a yacht and “had a very interesting life, the details of which he declined to mention “because you are boy scouts.”

And he promised the scouts that, during his presidency, “you’ll be saying Merry Christmas again when you go shopping” which “they” have been “downplaying” recently.

“Yes they have been downplaying it, for some reason,” Colbert said. “I’m just spitballing here: maybe because it’s July.”

Having absorbed the President’s messages, the boy scouts have re-worked their oath, Colbert imagined:

“On my honor, I will do my best to make a tremendous amount of money and buy a sex yacht like the old guy the president knows, to keep myself physically strong with golf and steak, and refer all questions to outside counsel. Merry Christmas.”