he was referring to a New York Times report that Fox News and primetime star Bill O’Reilly had, between them, allegedly paid five women nearly $13M in settlements going back 15 years.
“Yes, Bill O’Reilly, who scientists hypothesize is kind of a dense nebula of boners and racism has been paying out settlements for alleged harassment for years and the details are pretty disturbing here, with the victims claiming things like verbal abuse, lewd comments, unwanted advances and phone calls in which it sounded as if Mr. O’Reilly was masturbating,” Oliver told his HBO late-night audience.
“I hate to ask this but what does that sound like?” Oliver wondered. “Does it sound like a dog’s jowls flapping when it sticks its head out of the window of a moving car? Or someone frantically stirring a bowl of cake batter? Or is it a more subtle tap, tap, tap, like a mouse giving a round of applause? Either way it is horrible.”
But while, for some, it might be hard to imagine what it must be like to “be on the receiving end of dirty talk” from O’Reilly, it’s not impossible because, in 1998 he wrote a book called “Those Who Trespass” which featured sex scenes and he narrated his own audio book.
“And yes, we’re doing this,” Oliver giggled, telecasting the audio.
And yet, so far Fox News is firmly standing by their man, Oliver said, while O’Reilly insists the women just want money, though one of those who has come forward since the payouts has not said she wants money.
Advertisers, meanwhile, are bailing, Oliver said, playing a clip of CNN’s coverage of the growing number of advertisers to have pulled their campaigns from The O’Reilly Factor.
“That is not good news” Oliver said, suggesting O’Reilly should call them to apologize, “but he might just start jerking off while they’re on the phone – tap, tap tap.”
While advertisers are pulling their support, President Donald Trump is standing by him, telling the New York Times in an Oval Office sit down that O’Reilly is a good person who should not have settled with the women.
“Nobdoy gets to be surprised by that, because it is entirely plausible that the hill our president is willing to die on is the one formed by Bill OReilly’s workplace erection poking up against his old-man slacks,” Oliver said.
So, to recap this story for you: Bill O’Reilly needs advertisers and President Trump needs to understand sexual harassment, Oliver said, adding “here is where we come in.”
Last Week Tonight has been booking its Catheter Cowboy in ads on Fox News channel shows over the past few weeks to explain things like nuclear triad and the American Healthcare Act to President Trump, because he consumes a great deal of FNC programming.
“We have produced an ad to educate Donald Trump, to air during The O’Reilly Factor in New York and D.C.” Oliver announced. It was submitted to stations on Friday, but they have not yet heard back, “which is a little weird because we are one of the only advertisers willing to buy time on his show at the moment,” he joked.
“And I hope they don’t reject this ad,” Oliver continued. But, in case they do, he presented a “sneak peek” to his viewers.
In the ad, Catheter Cowboy says to the camera: “If you got a friend who is accused of doing something like that, over and over again, I might think twice about denfending him. Because that just contributes to a culture where women don’t want to come forward. And I know you might not care about that. But on some level you gotta know you’re blowing this. You’re sacrificing the chance to make society a better place on the altar of your towering ignorance and fragile ego. You are blowing this.”