Jimmy Kimmel opened his ABC late-night show perfectly describing how United Airlines managed to lead the news cycle on Monday when it dragged a paying passenger off one of its planes flying out of Chicago, because the passenger declined the airlines offer to give up his seat for a United Airlines employee. The passenger got bloodied in the incident and some passengers told TV news networks he got knocked out by airport authorities who United called in to remove the man.
Making matters worse, Kimmel said, United’s CEO tweeted a statement saying it was an “upsetting event to all of us here at United” and apologized “for having to re-accommodate these customers.” [The injured man’s seat was one of four occupied by paying passengers that were given over to United staff.]
“Re-accommodate?! Like we re-accommodated El Chapo out of Mexico,” Kimmel snarked. “That is such sanitized, say nothing, take no responsibility corporate BS-speak. I don’t know how the guy who sent that tweet didn’t vomit when he typed it out. When you break this down, a man was forcibly dragged off a flight because they ‘oversold’ it…How that happens in the first place I don’t know. And by the way they almost certainly could have gotten volunteers by offering more money, or travel vouchers…It’s not the passenger’s fault if you sold too many seats on your plane. Can you imagine this happening in any other industry? “
Jimmy Kimmel Live then unveiled United Airlines’ new promotional campaign:
“We’re United Airlines. You do what we say, when we say, and there won’t be a problem, capiche? Give us a problem and we’ll drag your ass off the plane. And if you resist, we’ll beat you so badly you’ll be using your own face as a flotation device.”
It concluded with the company’s new slogan: “United Airlines. F*ck you.”