CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert last night did the best “interview” with U.S. Olympian Ryan Lochte about his gas station encounter in Rio – based on which, it’s probably safe to say, Lochte never will actually sit down for an interview with Colbert.

Speaking to Edited Lochte, Colbert “asked” the question we all were shouting in our heads while watching Matt Lauer’s much-touted sit-down with Lochte for NBC. Colbert wondered, for instance, how the story of Lochte’s gas-station run-in went from his being robbed with a gun cocked and pointed at his head, to a story about paying for damages after peeing on the shrubbery and tearing down a poster. Lochte had told Lauer he “over-exaggerated” that part.

“That part?” Colbert shot back, for us, in his iteration of that interview. “Okay, here’s the thing: That part is really the whole part. Without a gun cocked to your forehead, it’s really just a story about some guys urinating on a gas station. How could you get that so wrong?”

“I was intoxicated,” Lochte “replied.”