Updated with video and details: Jimmy Fallon was OK at the start of The Tonight Show; wish we could say same of his monologue:
In a recent poll people, he said, people describe Trump as “idiot,” “buffoon,” “clown,” and “jerk” – “and those are the people voting for Trump.”
“Of course they also used words like “better,” “than” “Jeb.”
During a gag about Bernie Sanders, Fallon said he “pulled a hammie” and did not think he could finish the monologue, asking his sub to step in.
“Thank you very much. The election is getting nasty. Ralph Nader called Hillary Clinton a ‘corporatist’ and a ‘militarist.’ Isn’t that unbelievable — Ralph Nader is still alive!?” jumped in Jay “Show Must Go On” Leno.
Dem presidential candidate/former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley is polling at 2%, Leno observed. “He’s been eight months in the race and is only tied with low-fat milk!”
GOP candidate/Florida Sen. Marco Rubio is being called the best communicator in the Republican Party. “That’s like being called the smartest Kardashian,” Leno said, warming to his theme.
Obama gets credit for getting Osama bin Laden. “Osama bin Laden lived in that house in Pakistan for six years, with seven women and 23 children. I’m surprised the guy didn’t shoot himself in the head!” Leno ranted.
How bad is the economy? So bad Leno said he saw a woman on Park Avenue with real breasts and a fake Gucci bag.
So bad … parents in Beverly Hills are being forced to raise their own children.
So bad … a priest, a rabbi and a minister walked into a bar and burned it down for insurance.
So bad … the Kardashians are losing their ass, Leno described.
“So bad 50 cent changed his name to Nickelback,” jumped in the miraculously recovered Fallon.
So bad … Hillary Clinton is happy people are looking through her emails so she can see if she got any from that Nigerian prince, Fallon added.
Having depleted their store of How Bad Is The Economy gags, Fallon asked Leno if he’d like to hang around. “Can’t – I’m lead guest on Colbert,” Leno snarked, and split.
“His show, Jay Leno’s Garage premieres tomorrow night at 10 on CNBC. It’s getting great reviews. That’s why he’s in town,” Fallon explained, adding the show had begged him, “Please do something with us.”
“Tomorrow night. Please check it out,” Fallon said. “He’s a good man.”
Last time we saw Leno promoting his new series, at TCA, he got asked if he’d been approached to be a guest on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert to promote the CNBC show. He said no, adding, “I’m kind of loyal to NBC.”
“NBC has been trying to kill me for years,” Leno said of one episode of Jay Leno’s Garage, in which he sits in the back seat of an Audi that drives itself at 110 mph around a racetrack. “I’ve been with NBC my whole career. … I really like being here, I like being part of a family, a continuing history. … I’ve still got my first car I bought in Los Angeles. I’m still on my first wife. I like progress – it’s change I don’t like.”
Leno confessed that in all those years he was hosting Tonight Show, “I really wasn’t that interested in celebrities.” Particularly irksome were publicists who insisted their celebrity clients were geniuses. “I met more geniuses when I was at Tonight Show,” he snarked.