This year’s Emmy Awards might have been a little depressing, in that it’s 2015 and the industry handed out its very first best Lead Actress in a Drama Series Emmy to a black woman, Viola Davis, who explained onstage: “The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity. You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are simply not there.” If only social media had gotten its knickers as knotted over this industry’s lack of diversity over the years as social media did last night when it nearly choked on its undies over the ceremony’s Series In Memoriam spoilers.
Speaking thereof, here are some deserving winners in categories sadly missing from last night’s awards ceremony:
Edward Snowden Award for Most Secrets Revealed in Single Data Dump:
The Emmycast included a touching Show In Memoriam to departing late-night hosts David Letterman and Jon Stewart and also to the impressive number of long-running primetime series that threw in the towel since the 2014 Emmy ceremony. Even before the taped segment wrapped, viewers who had so carefully hidden under flat rocks all these weeks and months, so as to avoid learning what happened to Sons Of Anarchy, Parenthood, Boardwalk Empire and Mad Men, denounced via social media the TV Academy for spoiling their viewing experience.
Kim Jong-un Award For Best Compromising of Hollywood Site:
“Luckily for you, the CEO of HBO recently said he doesn’t think password-sharing for their streaming services is a problem,” Andy Samberg marveled, adding, “So here’s my HBO Now login.” Login: “Khaleesifan3@emmyhost.com.” Password: “password1” because “gotta have a number in there throw them off the scent. It’s 100% real, so to all of our millions of viewers: Go to town, check out Game Of Thrones, watch a butt-load of Arli$$. HBO doesn’t care.”
HBO attempted to turn the gag to its advantage, countering weakly on its Twitter account: “Lucky for you, @AndySamberg is a very generous #Emmys host.”
General MacArthur ‘I Shall Return’ Award:
Departed The Daily Show host Jon Stewart, in accepting the late-night stalwart’s win for Outstanding Variety Talk Series, said: “To everybody on television, I just want to tell you, cling to it as long as you can. … I’ve been off of television for six weeks, seven weeks, whatever it is, this is the first applause I’ve heard. It is a barren wasteland out there.” He added: “Thank you very much. You will never have to see me again.” And yet, because his show went off the air in August, technically he’s eligible to win again next year, though he’d be competing against his replacement, Trevor Noah.
Most Likely to Send Brian Williams Back Into Hiding Award:
Emmy host Andy Samberg made what’s being described this morning in cuter circles as a “tongue in cheek” reference to that sex scene in HBO’s Girls that had starred Williams’ daughter. Samberg announced, “Here’s my impression of the last season of Girls,” then kissed the giant Emmy statuette’s heinie.
Make America Great Again Award for Best Donald Trump Gag:
The jury is still out on this category. Nominees include:
Samberg opened his monologue by saying: “Donald Trump is running for president, to the delight of uncles everywhere. I’ve got to say, sure, Donald Trump seems racist. (Pause) Let’s see, what else?”
Veep’s pretend politician Julia Louis-Dreyfus brought up the reality-TV star running for the White House when she accepted her trophy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy, saying, “What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight,” then, “Oh, sorry, Donald Trump said that.” She added, “It’s getting trickier and trickier to satirize this stuff.”
Comedy Central’s Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, presenting the Emmy for Reality Competition Series, called it “one category of TV that allows us, as a society, to sit down and enjoy the simple spectacle of reality. … A strange reality, where people can’t seem to say two words without throwing each other under the bus. A reality where a panel of millionaires fight like sharks to be chosen by average middle-class Americans. But enough about the Republican National Convention, let’s get to the award.”
Amy Schumer’s writing team is heavily favored to win, after having their heads badly shopped into Trump photo ops while an equally cheesy fake Trump voice ticked off their names in the race for Outstanding Variety Sketch Series.
Least Gracious Acceptance Speech Opener Delivered by Donald Trump’s Executive Producer Award:
Mark Burnett, EP of Trump’s reality-TV vehicle The Celebrity Apprentice, accepting The Voice’s Emmy for best Reality Competition Series: “Sorry Amazing Race, it’s our year this year. “