Jon Stewart finally came clean about those meetings with President Obama at the White House that had the media’s undies in a bunch this week, confessing Elvis and the Area 51 alien also were among those present, and they took turns shagging a replica of the eye socket of Ronald Reagan – because the real eye socket is kept at the Smithsonian can only be shagged on Christmas.

At the meeting, “We spent about five to seven minutes with Obama kind of scolding me not to turn young America cynical,” Stewart told viewers on last night’s The Daily Show. Then I spent about five to seven minutes explaining to him I’m actually skeptically idealistic. And then we spent about 45 minutes arguing about: ‘Really, the VA can’t be fixed any quicker? Or healthcare.gov can’t come online with out crashing my son’s Minecraft game?’ And the whole things takes place over some of the truly best salmon you have ever had.”

He then addressed Fox News Channel over its particularly heightened state of undie bunched-ness about the meetings — apparently one of the last times FNC will be referenced on The Daily Show, according to its new host Trevor Noah — saying:

“I can understand if there are some folks at Fox [News] who are concerned that any meeting I take with a powerful individual should be disclosed lest it be considered possible collusion. Let me say this: I have been summoned by surprisingly wide variety of individuals over the years, from tech giants to financial captains to Billy Joel. And the general thrust of all those meetings or phone conversations are the same. Basically it’s this: ‘Jon, why are you such an a**hole?’ “

None of those meetings was secret, he said, explaining to the media that it’s not a “secret” meeting just because they did not know about it. Only one such meeting actually was secret, he said. “I was summoned by [Fox News chief] Roger Ailes to his office — just like my meeting with the president.”

Fox News: really gonna miss Stewart.