CBS’ not-yet-debuted-on-air Late Show host Stephen Colbert congratulated SCOTUS on its ruling on gay marriage, announced Friday, and those it affected.

“If you’re a homosexual and living in North Dakota, all your problems are solved!” Colbert raved, adding, “Wow, history moves fast. It’s hard to believe gay Americans achieved full personhood just five years after corporations did.”

And while Colbert proclaimed dissenting Justice Robert’s statements a real barn burner – he wrote the one telling gay Americans to “Celebrate the achievement of a desired goal. Celebrate the opportunity for a new expression of commitment to a partner. Celebrate the availability of new benefits. But do not celebrate the Constitution. It had nothing to do with it” – it was dissenting Justice Antonin Scalia who Colbert singled out to invite on to his show when it debuts in the fall. That’s because Scalia had written that if he ever joined an opinion that started as had the one written by Justice Kennedy in his decision, “I would hide my head in a bag.”

“I could have sworn he was already hiding his head in a flesh-toned cinch sack,” Colbert said, adding, “Please come on my show, sir!”