Julia Roberts, one of David Letterman’s more frequent guests, came to Late Show tonight “just to find out what the hell is going on around here.” George Clooney stops by tomorrow night, as does Tom Waits, and Oprah pays a call on Friday.

“Someone says, ‘We’re closing shop.’ … This is bullshit, David Letterman!” Roberts exclaimed at this afternoon’s taping. “Explain yourself!”

Letterman preferred to take a stroll down Memory Lane, asking her if she remembered the first time she was a guest on his show. “I was thrilled and excited and nervous,” Dave reminisced. “I had seen the film Mystic Pizza and thought, ‘Oh my God! … This is fantastic!’.”

“None of this is true … but it’s sweet,” Roberts told the Late Show studio audience.

She admitted she did not want to do his show “because I had seen you absolutely dismember young actresses … and I thought, ‘I’m going to go on and he’s going to know within 10 seconds what my IQ is’ and you are going to, like a samurai … Benihana me and I’ll be left for dead.”

“I’m not going to dispute this, but what do you suppose was wrong with me?” Letterman said. “Why would I behave that way?”

“Because I think stupid people annoy you,” she explained.

He allowed as how that seems about right.