Despite a historic tie for best picture at the PGA Awards a week ago, the most talked about moment from the ceremony was when Norman Lear Achievement Award in Television winner Chuck Lorre recounted a brief bathroom encounter with Ben Affleck at the Golden Globes when the two peed next to each other. “Yes, I peeked. And yes, Comic-Con — he can play Batman,” Lorre said to roaring laughter, a line that later sparked a witty response from best picture presenter Affleck (watch the video below). Now Lorre used a vanity card that aired at the end of his CBS comedies Mike & Molly and Mom last night to set the record straight on the described encounter (yes, it was a joke). He revealed the original versions of the anecdote that would’ve featured director Martin Scorsese and mogul Harvey Weinstein as well as the reasons he rejected them before settling on Affleck. Here is the card:
Not that it really matters, but the joke I made at the Producers Guild Awards regarding Ben Affleck’s genitals being of sufficient size to fill the caped crusader’s codpiece was just that, a joke. I’ve never met Mr. Affleck in or out of a men’s room. Nor am I in the habit of peeking at another guy’s junk while standing at a urinal. (I mostly stare at the tiles and worry that the invisible auto-flush light beam is secretly cooking my internal organs.) I just wanted to open my speech with a cheap laugh about the Golden Globes. To be completely honest, the original version of the joke had me peeing next to and peeking at Martin Scorsese — who was, at best, a grower not a show-er. I cut it, wisely I thought, because it felt unfair to “belittle” a giant of cinema, even if I had issues with “Hugo.” I then considered telling the same joke with Harvey Weinstein as the celebrity at the neighboring stall, but cut that as well because I worried that he might be able to have me hurt. It was only when I thought of Mr. Affleck that it finally hit me. If I’m going to make up stuff about another man’s penis, why not go positive? Embellish his endowment if you will. It’s still funny. And it also allowed me to work in the Comic-Con Batman angle. Win-win right? Wrong. While the joke did score at the PGA event, it got way too much traction afterward. Which is why I now feel the need to set the record straight. You want to know if Affleck is man enough to be Bruce Wayne? Ask his wife. Or, if you’re feeling man enough, rent “Daredevil.” On Blu-ray.