Monica Corcoran Harel is contributing to Deadline’s Oscar coverage.
As I like to say, you’re only as good as your last gown. And while no one really spilled blood on the red carpet at the Oscars, a few actresses missed the mark today. Mostly because they just didn’t seem to care enough or try very hard. Jennifer Aniston’s matronly tomato-red Valentino reminded me of a sad little bowl of vanilla ice cream when I’m on a PMS snack binge. Yawn. The classic silhouette also called for more effort with her hair and makeup. She looked like she came straight from Zuma Beach. Kristen Stewart’s cream strapless Reem Acra gown felt like a wishy-washy afterthought for the edgy, young star who fronts for Balenciaga. She appeared sullen, like she was heading for an arranged marriage.
Related: Oscars Fashion: Who Wore What?
Poor Melissa McCarthy, who usually relies on an empire waist to complement her figure. That gray David Meister gown featured a lot of artful draping but still seemed to swallow her whole and delivered no silhouette whatsoever. Salma Hayek looked like she was wearing a gilded Burmese python around her neck in an Alexander McQueen velvet gown with a gold collar embellishment — the stunning dress just didn’t work on such a petite woman. Plus, don’t we all count on Hayek to deliver major cleavage? Kelly Rowland’s Donna Karan Atelier black and white gown looked very Vegas showgirl, alas. And let’s all just have a chuckle at Helena Bonham Carter’s shredded Vivienne Westwood couture gown and insane updo. Did she pull up in a stretch rickshaw?