Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So comedy writer Ken Furer delivers his mock Wish List a few days before the real 2011 Black List appears:
The 2011 Wish List is a compilation of the best unproduced, unwritten screenplays in Hollywood. The second annual list is determined based on a comprehensive voting process involving a tribunal of studio development executives, the BCS computer ranking algorithm, the United States Electoral College, and Sharon Osbourne. Please remember, The Wish List is not a “best of” list. It is, at best, a “waste of the next few minutes of your life.” Enjoy.
REPUBLICANS AND ALIENS
A political sci-fi crossover in which Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann must join forces with an intergalactic alien army to prevent a band of illegal immigrants from crossing the border.
When his only daughter’s bag of pretzel M&Ms goes missing at the petting zoo, a vengeful father sets out to track it down. TAKEN but with goats.
KELVIN + TINA = XOXO <3 4EVA
After burning a mixed CD for his secret crush, shy high school freshman Kelvin gets arrested for online piracy. A nonlinear romantic dramedy that jumps back and forth in time throughout his parole sentence.
SEAL TEAM 7
An animated family film about a herd of seven lazy elephant seals from Antarctica that gets recruited to assassinate Osama Bin Laden. Seth Rogen will voice all seven seals.
READY TO ASSEMBLE
A remake of Svenn Hjürgynssön’s gritty Swedish crime thriller GUNFIRE KILL SQUAD DEATH KILL that follows a gang of street thugs who attempt to rob an Ikea but get entangled in an all-night hostage standoff armed only with Allen wrenches.
When his fiancee leaves for her bachelorette party, an uptight guy and his slacker groomsmen throw their own bachelorette party in order to prove that guys are still just as raunchy as girls. A male Bridesmaids. Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day probably attached.
A found footage horror film about a grad student who video chats on his iPhone with his long distance girlfriend when the call mysteriously starts to drop out. Is it a bad Wi-Fi signal or is Siri turning into a jealous psychopath? (Spoiler alert: it’s a bad Wi-Fi signal.)
THE SOMEWHAT EXCEPTIONAL LIFE OF THE MILDLY AMAZING SPANDEX BOY
Based on the cult graphic novel, a dorky high school student who keeps getting beat up starts dressing like a superhero … which pretty much only makes things worse.
An edge-of-your-seat conference room drama that follows NBA Players Association executive director Billy Hunter as he battles Commissioner David Stern in a laborious collective bargaining negotiation. James Franco attached as the neutral third party mediator – and also as dolly grip.
When a self-absorbed guy gets circled on Google+, he does whatever happens when you get circled on Google+.
While attempting to adapt the self-reflexive Charlie Kaufman film ADAPTATION, a struggling playwright realizes that his very attempt to adapt ADAPTATION is actually the adaptation. A Charlie Kaufman-esque tale in the vein of ADAPTATION.
A retelling of JACK AND THE BEANSTALK, flipped on its head and told from the point of view of the beanstalk.
I WANT TO F**K YOUR BRAINS OUT
A raunchy romantic comedy about a seemingly innocent, dorky girl who turns out to be a tiger in bed. Currently in development under the new title GETTING BUSY. Offer automatically out to Emma Stone. And as always, Betty White is attached.