I suspected something was rotten in MTV Land when the faltering cable network announced that Lauren Conrad was leaving The Hills. After all, it’s not like the makers of the most fake reality show ever would hand it over to the most fake couple ever, Heidi and Spencer. Now EW confirms what Perez Hilton has already known: that Laguna Beach bitch-on-wheels Kristin Cavallari will be replacing longtime frenemy L.C. on The Hills. I’m posting this only because the lengths to which this show refuses to come clean about the reality of its principals’ self-promotion is nauseating. First, the 22-year old brain-dead blonde (replacing the other brain-dead blonde) makes her first appearance on the May 31st season finale. (Kristin catches the bouquet at Heidi and Spencer’s wedding, which is like their 14th fake marriage) and she’ll appear in 10 episodes this fall. This, after Kristin refused another year on Laguna Beach in order to choose Hollywood stardom. Oh, that worked out really swell for her: a few forgettable roles in B movies and forgettable guest parts on TV. Now she says she’s doing The Hills just to get work because “Drama sells…” (“The goal for me is to get my fans excited about me again. When I first started out, I had a celebrity name but I didn’t have the acting skills I have now. If I have some buzz with my name again, I feel like it will only help.”) Not to worry: that kind of cynicism won’t be allowed anywhere near the ever-present cameras. Because, after hiding Lauren’s designing deal and Heidi’s recording contract, The Hills‘ producers will come up with more bullshit to cover up Kristin’s crash and burn as an actress. Maybe that she really wants to be a director?

  1. Why Do They Call It “Reality” On MTV?
  2. MTV ‘The Hills’: A Cesspool of Self-Promo
  3. Finke/LA Weekly: Who Hates Their MTV?