Since Oscar coverage gets so damn serious this time of year, I thought I’d lighten up things with this New York Observer column by screenwriter Bruce Feirstein: advice from Entourage agent Ari Gold to Al Gore about his Oscar acceptance speech. (But, if An Inconvenient Truth wins Best Documentary, I’ve already reported that Gore won’t announce a run for U.S. president at the Academy Awards…):

gore-truth.jpg“…I’ve got two words of warning for you: Roberto Benigni. Who’s Roberto Benigni, you ask? Precisely my point: He’s the Italian guy who climbed over the seats to pick up the Oscar for Life Is Beautiful in 1999—after which he vaporized and disappeared into the ozone like yesterday’s carbon emissions. (Yeah, I know that’s not exactly right. But you know what I mean.) … Make the speech short and self-deprecating (no reason to bring in Naomi Wolf; go with the classic black tux) and say something to the effect of: “I think I’m supposed to say it’s nice to be nominated. But having been ‘nominated’ once before, I’ve got to tell you: It’s a lot better to win …. Which is why, tonight, I’m announcing my candidacy for President. Together, with your help, we can return to the kind of people we once were, and go forward to become the kind of great nation were always destined to be.” And that’s it. Over, done and out. And by the time you show up Graydon’s, there won’t be a full checkbook in the house. …There’s only one thing Hollywood loves more than a winner: A comeback. Hug it out, babe…”