Uh-oh, this bitchslap can’t be good for Universal’s remake of Miami Vice opening July 28th. A too-cool-for-the-room Miami magazine just wrote a feature entitled “Miami Vice Looks Like Shit” and is asking Miamians to “boycott this pile.” Ignore Magazine — yes, that’s its name, and bills itself as a print and online youth culture and news publication — declares this a “deplorable, unneeded revision. Sorry Michael Mann, nobody wants to see this movie.” And the mag seems to object to the flick “once again stereotyping our city’s image. At this point, we’d rather watch a documentary on The Opium Group directed by Uwe Bol.” OK, I totally agree that any remake of that seminal ’80s TV show is just plain pathetic. Still, since every other Hollywood studio is devoid of creativity, why should Universal be any different? (Don’t be surprised if the studio’s You, Me and Dupree does better box office.)
Some interesting factoids from Ignore about the pic: RZA was briefly recruited to rework Jan Hammer’s famous TV show theme music for the film, Don Johnson brought all of his kids to the set, the filmmakers asked Edward James Olmos to reprise his role as Lt. Martin Castillo. (“He declined and reportedly had his agent send a VHS to the offices of Universal Pictures containing a 20-minute loop of Olmos staring silently into the camera in absolute disgust.”), a quarter of the cast is made up of Mansion “nightclub patrons”, and Bacardi (“preferred by seven out of 10 dollops of South Beach garbage”) is the film’s official sponsor. Anyway, the mag just began an online feature suggesting actors who would have been better cast as Crockett and Tubbs than Colin Ferrell and Jamie Foxx. Their first picks? Joaquin Phoenix (“The loner vibe is there… Ever since SpaceCamp, he’s had the mile-out stare… He could transition easily into a badass with a Southern accent packing cigs in pastels.”) and Terrence Howard (“That’s right, motherfucking Djay. If only for the fact that this guy can walk down a windy street with his arms up, clutching a 9mm and wearing an open button-down over a wife beater better than any actor workin’ or bitchin’.) Quick — somebody revive U’s new chairman and co-chairman, Marc Shmuger and David Linde (who is moving to LA any moment now, by the way).